I am childfree so the demands on my time are not so obvious. My job is very low-key so I don't feel worn out or tired at the end of my day. My husband and I work opposite shifts so we rarely see each other for longer than a few hours per day. So then why do I feel like I am being pulled from so many directions?
I think this may be the price of passion. When I get involved in a project, I immerse myself in it completely. It consumes my life, sometimes to the detriment of other obligations. I just have this overwhelming need to work work work until a project is done. I don't want to stop and take a break, I don't want to save some for later - I want it done - NOW.
I am beginning to think this may not be the best policy. My little brother will be 19 this week and I have not even considered what to get him for a gift. I have had the same Netflix dvd sitting on my shelf for almost two months, untouched, because I have no time to watch TV. My brother and sister want to go to NYC on Friday and I am cringing inside because I feel like I have no time to goof off in the city. My husband has grown his hair out. When did this happen?
The scary part is that I know I need to slow down. I know how terribly fleeting life is. I will never get back all this time I chose to focus on my passions. But even when I snap out of my frenetic pace for a bit, my mind is still racing, still thinking about all that needs to be done. How do you stop your mind?
I am getting no answers from writing all this. Maybe because I know that I should be doing something else. My mind is still racing. I hope when this next set of deadlines ends I will be able to stop and savor the moments. Who am I kidding? I thrive at this pace. Would I still be me if I slowed down?