Monday, April 10, 2006

The Price of Passion

I am childfree so the demands on my time are not so obvious. My job is very low-key so I don't feel worn out or tired at the end of my day. My husband and I work opposite shifts so we rarely see each other for longer than a few hours per day. So then why do I feel like I am being pulled from so many directions?

I think this may be the price of passion. When I get involved in a project, I immerse myself in it completely. It consumes my life, sometimes to the detriment of other obligations. I just have this overwhelming need to work work work until a project is done. I don't want to stop and take a break, I don't want to save some for later - I want it done - NOW.

I am beginning to think this may not be the best policy. My little brother will be 19 this week and I have not even considered what to get him for a gift. I have had the same Netflix dvd sitting on my shelf for almost two months, untouched, because I have no time to watch TV. My brother and sister want to go to NYC on Friday and I am cringing inside because I feel like I have no time to goof off in the city. My husband has grown his hair out. When did this happen?

The scary part is that I know I need to slow down. I know how terribly fleeting life is. I will never get back all this time I chose to focus on my passions. But even when I snap out of my frenetic pace for a bit, my mind is still racing, still thinking about all that needs to be done. How do you stop your mind?

I am getting no answers from writing all this. Maybe because I know that I should be doing something else. My mind is still racing. I hope when this next set of deadlines ends I will be able to stop and savor the moments. Who am I kidding? I thrive at this pace. Would I still be me if I slowed down?

2 comments:

  1. I often feel over extended. What I have to say to you is "Know Your Limits". From crashing and burning so many times (Even though I rise again like the pheonix), I know how much I can take. When it gets to a certain point, I know something has to go. Look at what's going on in your life carefully. Continue to pursue your goals. But if anything in your life causes you to neglect loved ones, (not saying that you are doing these things)friends,or if all of a sudden your just not happy, then it is critical that you step back for a moment.

    Don't stay back for long though, maybe you just have to reorganize or prioritize. What ever the case take that one step back. Because most likely after you do that you will be able to take two steps forward.

    Mia

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  2. I'm with ya sister all the way.

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